Sunday, March 4, 2012


Some thoughts from my mind!!!!! Scary! 
This is territory not shown often!!!
So there are a lot of things that have gone through my mind in the past few weeks, some fleeting thoughts and some more meaningful thoughts. I don't even know where to begin.

First I want to just say something, there is someone in my life who I pushed away because life was overwhelming and things were just so out of control in my mind that I did the only thing that I thought I could actually control. I pushed the one person who I could count on being there  for me no matter what, out of my life. I said some very mean things. Many of them needed to be said but I said them out of spite instead of out of love and concern for them. there is one thing that I said that I really truly wish I hadn't said. I told him that he was a terrible person and that I was just blind to that. I told him everyone else was right. That he was worthless and that I no longer could associate with him. I just want to clear something up. I still think that HArrison Spendlove is and incredible person. I think he has a lot of potential to do many amazing things through out his life. We just got caught up in the drama of now and I allowed that to frustrate me. I really wish I could go back and take that back. But as we all know that is impossible. Words do not work that way. I miss the conversations we would have. He was the one person that I would open up to and never could hide anything from him for long. He always seemed to get me to talk even if i didn't want to. I miss him for very selfish reasons. I miss that I don't have that person I can talk with and yell at and he will still love me in the end. Harrison was a true friend to me and I pushed him away. How often I do that is ridiculous. Many people only saw the arrogant and negative side of him. I got to see regularly the side that most people didn't. He loved me for me.  He came after me when the person who should have cared most about me left me out in the rain. He has taught me many things about myself and life. I wish I could have this conversation with him, but he more than likely hates me and wishes  that I would just disappear and never come back. And that kills me.  Harrison Spendlove you are a good person and an AMAZING friend. Love you!!!

And I guess that is my post. More things to come as I can conjure them in my mind and make them coherent for others to follow. haha Not that this post was coherent but i just had to get it out. 
Good night!!!