Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Coming out!! I finally did it!!!!

Today is a day to celebrate who we are!!!!
So As I sit here today contemplating this move, I have gone back and forth and back and forth. Tis not an easy thing for me to admit that I am different. I like being part of the 'normal' population. But at the same time I love being who I am. I Love Braden Williams Dunbar. I am a great person and have lived a fairly blessed life. I have an amazing family who love me. I have great friends who are willing to stand by me even when I am being anything but a true friend. 
The move that I am making today is to tell the world of Facebook that I, Braden Williams Dunbar, am a Gay man. And I am not ashamed of it. I am proud of who I am and what I have done with my life.
Happy National Coming Out day. 

Now my initial coming out to myself and my family took a little more effort and courage than a Facebook status.

I came out to one of my aunts, my Aunt Randy more than a year ago probably a year and half two years ago. I chose her because she lived in Hawaii and I knew she would just listen to me. I haven't spoken to her about it since. Which I may change soon.
Next I told Juliann, the best sister I could have asked for, a few months later. I took her out to lunch and as we pulled into the parking lot to her work i told her there was more. I said "I mean I will take my favorite sister to lunch anytime but there is something I have to tell you". so then I told her and she said she loved me and would support me with my choice to act on these feelings. She is truly and amazing support to me.
After telling her and many friends I felt I had the support I needed to be able to go tell my parents. I told them March 20th. I had just gotten back from a trip to visit Grandpa Dunbar, Aunt Anne and Cousin Katie. I was really nervous, but I knew I needed to just do it. I had gone to Stake Conference with them earlier that day. They had just woken up from their Sunday nap and I went in and just kind of told them. And left them with a book to read. We hugged and I walked out got in my car and drove back to SLC. I didn't cry until later that night as I thought about what had just happen. And the potential for some life altering shock waves. Luckily I am blessed with amazing parents and siblings who had already put ripples in the Dunbar pool of perfection. I am grateful for the family that I was blessed with. None of us are perfect and none of us expect the others to be. 
Next it was time to tell the brothers. Most of you don't know my brothers. You can Facebook stalk them if you would like. they are Doug, Randall, and Jarom. They are all pretty cool guys. I didn't want to have to come out three more times. So I was working on telling them. Actually Jarom was the first of the boys to know. He asked me the day of mother's graduation if I was gay. And I answered him honestly. I believe this was right after I had told the parents. But I told Randall and Doug through and email that I sent to them and others of my family. In the email I explained that I love them and appreciated the years we spent together growing up.
They didn't respond for a bit. When they did respond they responded with the I love you but don't support the lifestyle. I love them and can just hope that throughout time they will be willing to be open minded and love me for who exactly I am.
I have had many friends who have given me endless support through my coming out to family. Through listening to me talk about the boys I am dating and on and on. If I could list them all I would. But the few that I know really need to be mentioned are Harrison Spendlove, he has been one of the biggest supports of mine. Even though he wouldn't take me out of this life when I begged him to.
And I would Also like to thank, even though they won't be reading this, those guys that I have dated. I am glad that I was able to meet each of you and will treasure the lessons learned. Thank you Ty, and Steven and Jeff. You each brought a new part to my life that I didn't know I needed. 
I look forward to the day that I will find the man that I can spend my life with. I know it is possible and I know that I want that.

thank you all for reading this. I know it is a little long but it is all what I needed to say. I am sure I will think of something I wish I would have said.

Feel free to comment and post I would love the feed back. 
I love you and hope that You can still see that I am still the lovable and loving Braden Williams Dunbar.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

True Friends

The more I learn of myself the more I dislike myself. I believe this is the case with everyone in my life as well. The more someone gets to know me the fewer friends I have. I have few friends who I can say other wise, and why they are still around is such a mystery to me. I really struggle when people whom I want to be accepted by reject me and hurt me. It lingers for a really long time. I don’t make a lot of friends, but the friends that I make are most definitely quality. That is why when one of them breaks my trust and my heart, it hurts so badly. And when another one tells me that being around me is not his favorite thing. It burns. I make friends for keeps not just to have a big number. I am not a friend whore; I won’t call you a friend unless I actually consider you a friend. Now to help me realize what I actually have, and to show you all what true friends are, My bestest best friend Harrison…

Harrison: We met under… let’s just say… we met under unusual circumstances. We met just about a year ago. In the past year we have been through a lot together. A lot of annoyances, hate-filled conversations, a lot of mistrust, misuse, a lot of care and concern, a lot of rough days, but also a lot of great times, and most importantly a lot of love. No matter how crappy I treat him he is there. He is there for me no matter the time of day, or how angry I am. Has been one of my best friends that I have ever had. Even a couple of weeks ago when I wasn’t in my right mind I told him that if he loved me and was a true friend he would just let me die, I wanted to die so badly, He wouldn’t listen to me, that little shit!!! Even now if I were to go to him and tell him what I am feeling, even though he is with his friends right now, he would talk to me. He would help me understand what is going on. He would help me in his own frustrating way to get through it. Many people don’t believe me when I say that Harrison is freaking awesome, but he really is. If you don’t believe me just find out for yourself. You have to actually get to know him, But he is loyal, and kind, and loving, and genuine, and…!! I know that Harrison would be there for me even if I did do something stupid. He would even make up some stupid story that no one would believe just to help me not look so pathetic. I love this man and will always be true to him because he has always been true to me even in our rough times. And those who can call him friend consider yourselves lucky!!! =)

And the most recent person whom I consider to be lucky to be friends with me is, Jalopy. He is this really cool guy who sneak attacked me into a date with him. He is so sneaky. We have been friends for almost a year, but due to some ‘situations’ we never really got close, we would chat once in a long while and then not chat again for a long while. But then the AMAZING musical RENT came to town and we went together with a few other people. He sure knew what he was doing. I have not been ready to date due to the recent breaking of my heart and destroying of my trust in other people. But he did just the right things and said the right things and was just the right guy. Jalopy is someone who I have always considered a great guy. But in the past few weeks as we have talked and chatted I have come to find out that he is incredible. He has his head securely fastened and he loves himself unlike a lot of people I know, He has goals and desires for his life. He talks to me like I am someone to care about and not just a project or a client. He is by far too good for me and I don’t know what it is that he see’s in me! I hope that when He gets to know me better he doesn’t run away. He makes me feel great about myself. Back a few weeks ago I posted on the Great Book of Face that I wanted someone that had a weird that matches mine. Well jalopy is weird and his weird and my weird match really well. He doesn’t judge me when I start dancing in public or when I sing in weird obnoxious voices. Or when I do Braden characteristic things. He likes me and I like him. Haha!! And if any of you that may possibly be reading this don’t know, I am gay!! Haha

Well anyway this has gone on far too long already, I have many more amazing people in my life, and someday I will introduce them all to you. Here to list a few; Brittany P., Erica J., Nicholass, Spencer, Nicole S., and through Harrison- Tylor T., and many more!!!! I love you all and hope that I don’t and won’t disappoint you too much throughout the time that we know each other

And thanks to Jordan for helping me get this posted correctly! haha

Sunday, May 8, 2011

The who I am #1

I am Braden Williams Dunbar, I come from a line of amazing people. I am privileged to carry both my mother's maiden name and my father's surname. I am proud of those of my family that have come before me. My first name and the coming about of me being called Braden are just another part of who I am.
My mother wanted to be able to call me Brady while i was a kid. She didn't want that to be my real name, just a nickname. So she decided on Braydon. She has thought that she had made this name up. Come to find out there were a few Braydons around already. But still creative if i do say so myself.
Luckily mom didn't like the way she had spelled it so she had it changed. I much prefer Braden over the many other spellings out there, ie: Braydon, Brayden, Braydun, Braiden, Braidon, Braidun, Braiden, Bradun, Bradon. I think my spelling, of course, is the best and most esthetically pleasing way of spelling it. I get called Brandon by most people and it used to bother me. But I have come to the conclusion, who cares, They don't know me and when they do get to know me they won't make that mistake very often. hehe.
I love my full name and the power that is behind each section of it.  If you think about it, I am as unique and amazing as my name itself. I mean never in my life have I had another Braden in a class at school or anything like that. The closest thing to having someone with that same name as me was as a missionary, Another Elder in the mission was a Braden as well. So the name is unique. And for those of you that haven't had the opportunity to play the middle name guessing game with me. You are lucky. No one every really wins, My middle name is not William, it is WIlliams, totally different. And i wouldn't tell people they got it right if they guessed WIlliam. I am proud of the chance i have to be named after my mother's side of the family. Yes growing up and hating to write I despised having such a long middle name, but i have found the fun of writing it. It is a really fun name/word to write in cursive.
One of my favorite things about my name as many of you have been told probably multiple times, is that if you take my first name and my last name all the letters match except for the E and the U so cool. You don't have to agree about the coolness but i think it is fantastic. How many of you can say that about your names?
Well I have now gone on way to long about my name. I would encourage you to look at your name and see what you can write about it. This has been fun, and I have been able to gain a stronger appreciation for my name as I have done this. Wow that was fun!! haha
Random I know but what are blogs for? =)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

First post!

 So I figure i will start this blog with a statement of myself.

My trust is strong as a marble edifice, yet fragile as a delicate flower.
My trust is given freely, Given as if you and i have been friends for eternity.
My trust is broken just as easily, when you take it as a useless gift. 
My heart is torn, 
When it is given as one would receive their grandmothers cherished china or their grandfather's coveted rifle.
One must protect and not sell such a gift for anything.